Friday, June 9, 2023

How Not To Be The Next #KeepTheChangeBae!

The subject of “Who should pay on the first date” has always been a controversial one for as long as we have known, especially among heterosexuals. This topic has been highly debated, however at the end of the day; an agreeable conclusion is not seemed to be met by both parties – in most cases. SPICE LifeStyle contributor Toyosi Salami gives an interesting insight and a possible lasting solution to this dilemma, just maybe as we’d hate to have you be the next Twitter trend.

dating fingers

Dating-  A stage Of ROMANTIC and/or sexual relationships whereby two or more people MEET SOCIALLY,  possibly as friends or with the aim of each accessing the other’s suitability as a prospective partner in a more committed intimate relationship or marriage.

The result of dating may progress to eternal friendships or intimate relationships, marriage, or zero relationships after all.

That being said, it is the prerequisite for me to explain what I call “The laws of paying etiquette” and also what being a good host is about.

In simple and plain English; what this law simply states is that whoever instigates a date should be the one to cater for whoever is being invited, which of course includes footing the bills.

Why? You ask. The answer is pretty simple!

Whoever instigates a date has automatically assumed the role of a host. As a host, you DO NOT expect your guest to shoulder the expenses of your invite. It is your duty to make sure whoever you are on a date with is well catered for (which I believe should be done in accordance with your budget).

Ladies: DO NOT instigate a date, pick out locations and plan the entire day, yet still expect him to foot the entire bill, because “he is a man”. You have to put his finances into consideration, especially if you are dealing with a guy who can’t say no to you. This move is wrong, immature, and irresponsible.


Men: DO NOT suggest you split the bill when it is time to pay the bills. I strongly recommend you inform your date prior to your outing and know her stance on the subject.

p.s: if your date (the person being hosted) is pretty insistent on splitting the bills, then why not?

The most argued dilemma between a feminist heterosexual on the date are:

  • Why should one person pay for the bill if we are both going to have fun at the end of the day?
  • Won’t suggesting splitting the bill bruise her ego if she was the one who instigated the date?
  • How do I tell her I genuinely want to pay without coming off as condescending?

No! Paying will not make her feel equal to you, however, if you happen to find yourself in a rare situation where your date is adamant on splitting the bill, then I suggest you either let her or allow her to do it if there is going to be a second date.

Now let me tell you this firsthand from a realist point of view; most women who have been on a date and have suggested footing the bill, secretly wishes the man would foot the bill. Why? Because most women are attracted to men who take charge, without necessarily downplaying her strength and character as an individual.

Paying for the right reasons

I recently heard a man say; if he were to pay for a date, then his date definitely has to end up on his bed.

GUYS! This totally wrong to think that paying for a date automatically gives you a first class pass to know what is beneath your date’s pants. If sex happens naturally between you and your date, then good for you. But if it doesn’t, I suggest you don’t push it, as this move makes you come off as perverted and derogatory.

As stated in the definition I gave earlier, dating is the process of getting to know each other, with hopes of future involvements. Therefore I advise both parties to focus on that.

Assumption is the death of a perfect date

Imagine a scenario where you have been on the best date ever and something as silly, yet crucial as who should pay the bills ruin a supposed great night.

Furthermore, I would love to tell you that it is totally acceptable to have what I call “the bill talk” before agreeing to go a date.



It saves you both from the awkwardness of having to debate on who should pay the bills, with the waiter standing there with your bill in one hand, looking back and forth as the two of you create a totally avoidable scene. The bill talks enables you and your date have an understanding before proceeding to go out

Lastly, Ladies and gentlemen, you do not owe each other anything if your date doesn’t go well. There is absolutely no need to feel indebted. I wish you all the good luck and positive vibes you need to have an amazing date.

You don’t want to be the #5kbae at the end of the day and have your date tell you to #keepthechangebae

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